


Anything But Monopoly

by pennysparrow



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Detective Comics (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Alcohol, But no one gets drunk, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, and who knows how old he is anymore, jason just makes a drink and has like 2 sips, they decide to have game night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 03:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13227597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennysparrow/pseuds/pennysparrow
Summary: Steph is rather surprised by a text from Dick trying to organize a game night for the batkids.





	Anything But Monopoly

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a part of the Batfam Gen Christmas Stocking! I really hope you like it! Sorry if it got a little ridiculous.

The text came through at what Steph considered a terribly weird hour to be receiving a text from any of the Waynes. “Why is your brother texting me at eight in the morning?” Steph called as she walked out of her bedroom, textbook in one hand and phone in the other with her blonde hair falling out of her messy bun. There was still some twigs and leaves in it from the run-in she and Cass had with Poison Ivy the night before.

Cass blinked up at her from where she had fallen asleep on Steph’s couch. The other girl merely yawned and stretched in reply.

“Steph, honey, is everything ok?” her mom poked her head around the corner from the kitchen, already in her scrubs and ready to head to the hospital for the day.

“Yeah Mom, it’s nothing. I just don’t understand how the heck they’re awake already,” Steph frowned back down at her phone.

“You’re awake, Cass is awake,” Crystal called from where she turned back to the coffee pot.

From the couch Cass left out a soft snore. Steph deflated as she looked over at her best friend. “Cass is not awake. Alright, I need to get ready for class. I’m going to deal with this,” she held her phone up and shook it, “later.”

At lunch the groupchat that Dick had made that morning essentially blew up. Steph had expected this since she knew for a fact that Jason had a standing rule about only willingly interacting with his family from noon until midnight with special exceptions for Gotham ending emergencies. And Tim just wasn’t conscious until after most restaurants stopped serving breakfast.

Steph set down the tater tot that she was about to pop into her mouth and scrolled through the messages. What began with Dick asking if they were all free that night had now devolved into name calling and Jason and Damian both saying they were too cool to do whatever Dick was planning, or as Damian put it “beneath him”, and that had turned into its own side argument between them saying that neither of them had friends or something like that.

Rather than attempting to make heads or tails of the boys she sent her own message to Cass: _Your brothers are idiots. Can you get them to stop and just explain what the heck is going on?_

Cass sent a string of emojis, a crying laughing face followed by the one with the tongue sticking out and then a pouty face with some birds in between. She sent another text immediately, a simple _I will._

A few seconds later a text from Cass came through in the group: _STOP. @Dick, what do you want?_

Steph laughed out loud, earning a few looks from the other kids in the dining hall, as suddenly the rest of the texts stopped and Dick answered immediately. _We haven’t seen each other outside of patrol for a month and a half. We have all those board games at the manor I thought that we might be able to use them._

After that the arguments started up about tenfold but now Steph at least had a straight answer and could focus on her classes for the rest of the day. She typed out a quick _Thank you!!!_ and sent it to Cass before turning back to her lunch.

She had muted the conversation for the rest of the day, receiving only the necessary information via Cass. So, after dinner Steph found herself standing on the front steps of Wayne Manor. She had a grocery bag in each hand that were so full Steph thought the flimsy plastic was going to rip; because while she loved Alfred and his cooking Steph knew that they weren’t going to survive the night without the good junk food. So that’s exactly what she brought.

Contorting her body and wiggling her elbow Steph finally managed to hit the doorbell. She straightened and waited for Alfred to open the door. When he did she gave a cheery grin, but it turned guilty when Alfred’s eyes landed on the grocery bags. He raised an eyebrow at her and Steph blushed. “Sorry Alfie, but I’m not quite sure how tonight’s gonna turn out and since I can’t drink this is pretty much the next best thing.”

Alfred chuckled and ushered her inside, even taking one of the grocery bags that Steph had been hoping to smuggle in. As they made their way to the kitchen Steph could already hear the unmistakable sound of an argument or five from somewhere in the manor. But she would’ve been disappointed and mildly concerned if she hadn’t heard yelling.

“So Alfie, you participating in game night or standing-by with the first aide kit?” Steph asked as she set her bag on the counter.

Alfred laughed and shook his head. “Unfortunately, Master Bruce has a gala to attend tonight and I will be accompanying him.”

“So you’ll be missing all the mayhem?” Steph smiled.

“Yes, although it was quite a clever plan on Master Dick’s part to get out of going to the gala.”

Steph snorted as she began pulling things out of her bag and placing them on the counter. Duke came barreling into the kitchen, barely stopping himself before he ran into the island. Cass trailed behind him, a laugh tilting her eyebrows and lips. Steph blinked in surprise at their sudden entrance as Alfred gave them both a stern look.

“Sorry Alfred,” Duke said with a grimace. “Dick threatened to get Bruce and Jason tried using me as a shield and I really needed to be on neutral ground.”

Alfred nodded, accepting Duke’s apology as he turned a curious eyebrow on Cass. The girl just smirked and gave a fluid shrug. “I thought I heard Steph.” She snatched up one of the bags of cheese puffs and sat herself on the counter.

Alfred shook his head as he turned to get bowls for the snacks, handing one to Cass for her cheese puffs. “Now with this new information you will have to excuse me, I must ensure that Master Bruce is ready for this evening and I doubt he will be if he must break up a fist fight.”

“Hmm,” Cass hummed, her smile growing larger. “Not a fist fight. Shaving cream.”

Steph couldn’t help but burst out laughing, especially as Alfred’s eyes widened before he managed to reschool his features. Clearing his throat, the butler turned and breezed from the kitchen. Duke shook his head and tried to snatch one of Cass’s cheese puffs; only for her to swat his hand away, a jokingly angry wrinkle to her brow.

Moments after Alfred disappeared Tim came rushing into the kitchen, remnants of shaving cream still in his hair. Cass giggled as she tossed a cheese puff at him, only for Duke to intercept it and pop it into his mouth with a smug look at Cass. She returned it with an affronted look of her own. Steph rolled her eyes at the two of them and walked towards Tim, who had settled himself at the table.

“You look shell-shocked,” Steph commented dryly.

“When will my son come home from war?” Tim muttered in response. He grabbed a napkin and began wiping the shaving cream out of his hair while Steph snorted. “We haven’t even started playing anything! You don’t think he’ll make us play monopoly?” Tim’s eyes widened in fear as he turned to Steph.

Steph shuddered, and Cass whispered ominously, “Bloodshed.”

Duke looked between the three of them, his eyebrow rising incredulously. “You guys can’t be serious.”

Before they could impress upon him just how serious they were Damian walked in, arms laden with boxes of games. He had his usual scowl on his face and from what Steph could see it looked like he had avoided the shaving cream fight. He dropped them onto the long kitchen table before throwing himself into the seat on the other side of Steph.

“What’s up short stuff?” Steph turned to Damian with a grin. His scowl only deepened at her teasing though.

“It would seem that all of my colleagues are busy tonight. Although I had contacted them on rather short notice. What made Grayson feel the need to organize this inane idea this morning?” He crossed his arms and Steph really wanted to describe his expression as a pout, but she knew he would threaten her if she even thought that.

“Did you really just say colleagues?” Tim asked, leaning over Stephanie to address Damian directly.

The younger boy sniffed as he jutted his chin upwards. “I did indeed. What of it, Drake?” Steph tried to stifle her giggles as Tim’s expression turned to one of absolute flabbergast. Damian looked the older boy over before snapping, “Close your mouth Drake, you’re not a fish.”

Tim’s face screwed up as he made to retort and Steph went to push him back into his seat. However, before another fight could break out the sound of cursing could be heard, growing ever closer. Suddenly, Jason came bursting into the kitchen, attempting to skid to a stop and instead sliding halfway through the room on his socked feet. Cass tried to slow him down by jumping onto his back as he passed, only for her added weight to throw him off balance and cause him to faceplant and curse more. Cass cackled as she toppled down with Jason, only increasing the foul language.

Steph’s attention was taken away from the ensuing wrestling match on Alfred’s spotless kitchen floors and to the doorway where Dick was now swinging himself through. He miscalculated the distance though and landed only a few inches in front of Duke, causing them both to yelp. Steph joined in Dick’s laughter as he placed his hands on Duke’s shoulders, steadying the younger boy who still seemed startled by Dick’s entrance.

As the room began to echo with noise Steph settled back in her chair. A sudden burst of mischief had her reaching out her hands to ruffle Tim and Damian’s hair where they sat on either side of her. Their indignant squawks more than enough to last her through the night of playing referee between the two.

Jason had finally managed to free himself from Cass, a feat that was infinitely harder than they all cared to admit. He patted Duke on the back as he passed, grabbing a chair and taking it with him as he made his way to the fridge. Dick shot him a look but said nothing as he began shuffling through the boxes Damian must have carried in at his request. Steph shared a glance with Cass as Jason began to rummage through the liquor Bruce and Alfred kept on top of the fridge. He retrieved a half empty bottle of Kahlua and hopped down, putting the chair back in its place before going back to the fridge and grabbing a gallon of milk.

Dick glanced over his shoulder at Jason, having to do a doubletake at the gallon of milk. “What’re you doing?” he asked, watching as Jason threw ice into a glass before pouring in the liquids and giving it a stir.

Steph had to admit that she too was curious as to what Jason was doing, it was hard not to be when the whole room’s attention was focused solely on him. Jason looked up from his stirring, glancing at all the faces turned towards him before addressing Dick. “I’m making a Kahlua and cream for myself? Steph obviously brought sugar and high fructose corn syrup so she could cope. My coping is the old-fashioned way, my alcohol.”

Tim started to say “But that’s Bruce’s-” but Steph interrupted him with a poke as she said “It’s a Hamilton-” only for Dick to speak over the both of them.

“Yes but with 2% milk instead of cream? We have cream,” he ended this with a bit of an exasperated sigh.

Jason shrugged, putting the milk back in the fridge as he walked over to the table. He settled himself between Duke and Cass, the latter sliding her bowl of cheese puffs towards him. “I like 2%. Can’t I drink 2%? What’s wrong with 2%?”

“There’s nothing _wrong_ with it, it’s just unusual,” Dick frowned. He picked up the monopoly box a bit triumphantly. Steph groaned, as did just about everyone else. Dick froze, lid halfway off the box. “What? What’s wrong?”

“We’re not playing monopoly, Dick. There is no way in hell I’m ever playing monopoly again if I can help it,” Tim said sharply. He leaned across the table and grabbed the bowl filled with Oreos. Picking up a cookie he examined it closely before munching on it happily.

The room fell silent as Steph and everyone else waited to see what else Tim might say. When it became apparent that he was too engrossed in the Oreo to notice the others Steph decided to take the initiative. “I think we all know how this family can ruin just about anything but what do you have against monopoly that you so vehemently turned it down – not that I’m not grateful because there is no way it was going to end well – because completely swearing off of it is overkill. To like the nth degree, Timmy-boy.”

Tim shrugged, grabbing another Oreo. “The last time I played it was with the Titans and it was… bad does not begin to describe it.” Tim shuddered at the memory. “Let’s just say Cassie had to use her lasso to restrain Bart, Kon was the only thing stopping Rose from using her swords on everyone, M’gann was hiding under the table, and Gar was videotaping the whole thing while Raven said that she warned us from the other room.”

There was a beat of silence before Damian spoke up from beside Steph. “That does seem like a rather good reason, Drake.”

“There’s video of that? Wait, what were you doing while that happened, Replacement?” Jason asked, a smirk growing.

Tim gave a single twitch of his eyebrows as he bit into another cookie. “Winning.”

Jason spluttered on his drink, Steph burst out laughing and pat Tim on the shoulder, and Cass began clapping, motioning to Damian and Duke to do the same. Dick blinked, he gave Tim a confused look before shaking his head and putting the box back into the pile.

“Honestly I’m not surprised. I’m pretty sure that Wally and Roy used that game as an excuse to try and kill each other a few times when we were younger. I think I used it as an excuse to try and kill them a few times myself,” Dick said with a shrug.

“Grayson! I’m surprised, I never would have thought you had it in you,” Damian said approvingly. He pushed his chair back and went to get himself a drink from the fridge.

Dick rolled his eyes, grabbing for another box. “Gee, Dames, I’m so glad to hear you think so highly of me,” he said dryly.

Steph snorted and reached for Tim’s Oreos. He grumbled but allowed her to take a few, stacking them into a neat pile in front of herself. She watched as Dick continued shuffling the boxes, his hand shifted over one and Steph perked up. “Oh! That one! Yes!” she was practically bouncing in her seat as Dick pointed at the box she was referring too.

He raised a skeptical eyebrow but picked it up. Cass brightened as well, slapping her hands flat on the table. “We are playing that!” she said with a grin. She shared a glance with Steph, a wicked glint in her eye.

“Why do I get the feeling that monopoly may have been the better option?” Duke asked as Dick began to work the lid off the box. Steph could only imagine that their hungry smiles at the prospect of the game must make them all look overwhelmingly intimidating. Or at the very least Cass, Dick, and Jason. In Steph’s opinion Tim and Damian were altogether too ridiculous to be considered intimidating.

Dick began passing the cards out, standing so that he could lean over the table and reach those at the other end. Steph cackled as she picked up the first card, suddenly excited at the prospect of a game night.

“I must admit that I never would’ve expected you to let the Demon Brat play Cards Against Humanity, Dickie,” Jason said, taking a sip of his drink.

“I can assure you Todd that I am more than mature enough to handle it,” Damian huffed.

“That was less of a comment on your maturity and more of a comment on Dickie-bird’s parenting,” Jason replied. His smile was wicked sharp as he looked between his two brothers. Steph wanted to restrain herself from rolling her eyes over how hard Jason was trying to rile them up, she really tried, but couldn’t help herself. Jason saw and shrugged, taking another sip of his Kahlua and cream- no, Kahlua and 2%.

Dick finished passing out the white cards and Steph lost it, whipping out her phone to send a snapchat to Harper. She had the entire plot of Hamilton in her hand and Harper would definitely appreciate it, Cass and Jason too once the game was over.

“Alright,” Dick said once he finished straightening the piles in the center of the table. “Who pooped last?”

“Hold up, you guys actually go by that?” Duke looked shocked. Amused but shocked. Steph really needed to get the boy to hang out with her and Cass more, she’d get him used to this crazy family they’d fallen in with in no time.

“After you’ve tried to kill each other bowel movements really are nothing,” Tim deadpanned.

“You are on fire tonight!” Steph told him with a smile.

Tim just shrugged. “I’ve been helping Babs upgrade her system, her sass really does rub off.”

There was a murmur of affirmation from the whole table. No one could argue with Babs’s sass being passed on to others after prolonged exposure, at least for a few days after. Steph often found herself saying some biting remark only to realize afterwards that she had opened her mouth and Babs had come out. Granted, out of her mentors Steph would much rather Barbara than Bruce.

“Well I’ll man up,” Jason said. “I took a crap after dinner.”

Cass smirked, pointing to herself. “Me. The shaving cream war.”

“Cass wins,” Dick said, passing the stack of black cards towards her.

“I always win,” Cass told them, straightening her posture and raising her chin.

Damian narrowed his eyes. “We’ll see, Cassandra. We shall see.”

Steph smiled, maybe game night wasn’t going to be so bad. A shame really that Alfred had to miss it. Bruce too if she was being honest. Maybe, just maybe, they’d all have to do it again.


End file.
